im turning into an adult. i have a bank account and a debit card and i pay for things using my money. i have work related stress i cant believe this. i have a job im 17 (18 in dec) being a waiter is so much work, effort. i have no idea how difficult it was and how a request or complain no matter how mundane or innocuous could determine the security of your occupation. i only get paid RM5/hr. That’s not even 2 usd. im being exploited pure and simple. i dont know what to do. its either exploit someone else or be exploited. whats the point. all of that pain and those scars and blood and tears and hospitalizations. i started to get over my depression once i realized i have no control and complete control of my life. What dreams do I have anymore? all my longing and yearning? it dissolved in air. what do i yearn for most now? to get more than 5/6 hrs of sleep everyday, to be able to go on my break as soon as possible. my shift is 12-12 i punch in at 12 and i go for my break at 6.30 when its really busy. 5.30/4.30 sometimes i rarely eat breakfast. my throat’s been sore for about 2 weeks and i can no longer tell if im thirsty or if my throat hurts. i punch card at 1.30/2/2.30. 3am the other day. i get called to go to work on my off days. this is another kind of suicide. we’re all killing ourselves, im still killing myself, im just slowing down the rate at which it proceeds. i havent felt my toes since february. sometimes im too tired to eat, i know this sounds incomprehensible but if you worked like i did, oh my. honestly, and everyone just goes oh thats just how life is, thats what working life is like, i do not understand why nobody sees that how the entire system works is fundamentally wrong. male middle eastern customers can be so fucking rude especially when they’re with their wives. at least 50% of my customers are tourists. middle easterners, white people, (loads of russians for some reason) and i do not understand why but male chinese customers in their early 30’s really cannot wait for their credit card to be processed. im just grateful none of the patrons of the cafe i work at has lodged a complaint against me. i have been told to be less effeminate so many times but i refuse. i dont fucking care you will have to deal with my gayness and my lewd gay jokes i do not give a shit about your heteronormative homophobic cissexist bullshit. honestly. like my god. straight men. *eyeroll* i literally do not have a fucking life. do u know how hard it is to be constantly smiling all the time my fucking god. its 4 am and im just so tired and aggravated + irritated that i literally have no time to read anymore. and when i do im too tired and or sleepy to read. i always sleep during my bus ride to work. getting out of bed is the most difficult thing ever. and the fact that for the past month there’s been a water shortage and thus a water rationing system has been implemented really complicate matters. imagine having 2 days without water and 2 days with. for a month. and there was a terrible haze the other and i was working outside and at one point i worked there for more than 12 hours. i got sick and haven’t recovered ever since. my phlegm is green and i went to the doctor’s the other day but the medicine was not efficacious and oh my god i am so fucking sick of businessmen who think the world revolves solely around them. oh my god customers really have insane requests, yesterday a lady asked for a glass of ice water but she didn’t want it to be cold. i cannot. customers are crazy. honestly there are certain customers i avoid and ill ask another waiter to serve them because my god some of them are so rude and arrogant. if you get bad service from a sever or a retail assistant and other worker from that kind of line it’s most probably because you’re a really bad fucking customer. some of the people i serve do not treat me with even a modicum of respect. honestly i detest greeting customers when they enter/leave the cafe because often they utterly ignore you and do not acknowledge your existence. people are literally fucking crazy, but my god when you get really nice customers, it becomes a pleasure serving them and they really brighten your day and make your work so much more bearable and enjoyable even. i admit i am not glad to go to work but i dont loathe my job either. but the line from radiohead’s no surprises that goes ‘a job that slowly kills you….’ hurts like a fucking bitch now i am so sick of having to interact with human beings all fucking day long. jesus fucking christ i need a fucking holiday

Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush

(Source: arwenaa, via egryt)

The Two Fridas, Frida Kahlo